Searching for footing.
I've always been told I'm way too hard on myself. From childhood to being an adult people have expressed to me that I need to simply breathe and lighten up on my own self-critiques, and they are correct. As much running as I've done, with the many marathons completed, I still sometimes have trouble calling myself a legitimate runner because I have not done Boston. It's silly to the point of stupid, and I also understand this.
I get up early, or head out before sunset in all types of weather for the goal of meditation and personal greatness. And the meditation I can say is spot on most of the time, I comeback with a much clearer head and heart than when I started my run. The true conundrum comes from my own ability, or lack there of, and the greatness I see in others. Don't think for a second that they didn't work for that ability as I've had many discussions with respected friends about being gifted over busting your ass to get something accomplished. I understand putting in the miles running, or spending hours on a piano bench, or in front of a canvas to pursue your love. To earn that title you long for.
Being a very average or below average individual in nearly every aspect of my life has in a sense made me the proverbial underdog. I see the major marathons as being the pinnacle of greatness in my attempt to call myself a 'runner', and I have a lot or work yet to do. I'm sure most of you just like me have wondered why I haven't completed that most cherished of goals yet.
Next month I'm looking at marathon 15 in a little over 3 years and they only comfort I can take is what a runner in Erie PA said to me shortly after that run in September of 2018. She was wearing a Boston finishers jacket and I let her know Erie was my 8th marathon and Boston was my goal. "It took me 13 marathons to get there, and my friend needed 20. Your Boston is waiting your you" she said, "Just keep at it." So in the grey of February after an 18.5 mile weekend I'll still keep at it to get my unicorn medal and the right to one day call myself a real runner.
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Ryan (That's me)
Runner, writer, and a survivor. It's all about living the life you want and helping each other along the way.