I wasn't very productive at work yesterday, and for good reason. My heart was in Boston. I feel like I could write all evening about what I watched livestream to my monitor at work, but even as a writer I would fail to capture what I witnessed on that small screen. I saw giant acts of humanity, of champions that set new standards for running and that will leave those times in the dust later on their journey. And I saw those pushing themselves for a personal goal, a new PR, to get to that line and run in the footsteps of greatness. All the while maybe not understanding their own humble awesomeness. But that's running, those that inspired me probably have no idea they've done so. But they have.
And they still do. My Boston still hasn't happened yet, I have not earned the privilege to line up at Hopkinton and push myself to Boylston. But mark my words, I will. A huge congrats to all of those that participated and those that volunteered and worked tirelessly to make this sacred event happen once more. Boston, I love you and you are in my future.
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St. Louis... you were much tougher than what I suspected. So anyway, this past weekend I ran a marathon in... you guessed it, St. Louis. I was warned about the hills and thought 'Well, I've done Pittsburgh twice', but this was honestly a lot harder. I went into this one well rested and having done two great months of training, and then things went down hill, then up hill, then down hill, and so on. I did set a new half-marathon record for 2019 on this course, and at Mile 13 things fell apart.
I had some great conversations along the way and met others struggling to just survive this run, so that became my attitude at mile 18. Yes, I had very high expectations for this one, and what happened was my 2nd slowest marathon to date. What I took away from this was how to deal with obvious disappointment and staying positive. The body and mind we pushed, and in the end I was still smiling and happy to get 2019 started. Next up is Mt. Hood in Oregon. I made the journey to Jacksonville Florida last weekend to see my childhood friend as well as my favorite band The Joy Formidable. They announced a show and I bought ticket and booked my flights. Yes, they are that good.
Two days before I departed my friend asked me if I had signed up for the Gate River Run 15k, so I decided I had to do this. My plans were to run a 12 miler on that day, but if I can do this and see more of the area and rub elbows with the fine people of Jacksonville. I had a ton of fun running the course and conquering the Hart Bridge aka, 'The Green Monster'. I was a bit nervous about my knee and he sweat really did a number on the tape. But the good news is it felt pretty good and I kept a pretty good 8:06 average for the first 8 miles. The incline of the bridge was a huge challenge and cut into my pace pretty hard. I'm really tempted to make this a scheduled run for next year as well. It was just great running in temps that were not 18 degrees and seeing a lot of people I've missed. I'm conflicted with this run. I had a goal of 20 miles and only turned in 16, of course I told myself that the 20 miles pace would be much slower than what I actually turned in. The bright side is I'm coming off of the best month of mileage I've ever completed in February. Despite another slight case of the flu I pulled off 101 miles. In the past this has been a relatively scant month for distance... typically 65ish. And another bright side is that it was a great way to start the month. Last year on this day I only did 8 due to a calve issue and cautiously venturing out again.
Yes I can beat myself up for coming up 4 miles short, and I can also celebrate the fact that I'm in pretty good shape for the St. Louis marathon on April 7th. My goal is to stay healthy, work more on my diet, and concentrate on shorter speed workouts as well as slower long runs. And stick to that slow pace. Next week I'll be traveling to Jacksonville FL to see my childhood friend and attend a concert. And excited to get in some running while I'm down there is warmer temps. As someone that's worked in hospitality I can tell you it's an extremely stressful environment. The long hours and expectations are always set for 'excellent' or 'flawless'. As much as you try to band together as a team the stress can catch up with a person, and even an entire department. This is a great article about a man that has obviously walked the path and not only recognizes the problems, but is doing something about it. Please take a moment to read this, plus there are some great recourses listed towards the bottom of the article. Just click on the image and thank you Chef Mulvaney.
I look both ways as I type this, but I'm really please with the first 10 days of February. 7 runs and 50.35 miles so far, of course the main goal right now is to stay healthy and keep moving forward. I can recall last year at this time when the first of many leg injuries began occurring. I was on a strong start to the year and pushed things too far one day when I knew full well that I had a pulled calve muscle. I will not be making that mistake again if I become injured.
Just please with the 14 mile run through 2-4 inches of fresh snow, it was really peaceful to say the least.. but I think I'm looking forward to Spring. But I know we still have a lot of winter left and I still do not own a treadmill, so I'll be keeping on the trails for the time being. It seems like everybody was hit with the 'Polar Vortex', or what people in Minnesota call 'A Tuesday in January', but basically it was a rough time. Yesterday I went for a 6 mile run, the temps were 30 degrees (huge improvement) and there was about 4 inches of snow on the ground. And then today we had temps at 65 degrees for my 12 miler. No complaints here, it's just weird. Looking forward to February I'm very optimistic, but know I have my work cut out for me with about 2 months to go until St. Louis.
And to be honest today was a pretty rough 12 miler, and I'm not going to beat myself up in the least, rather move forward. I didn't prepare for this in advance. I didn't eat for about 24 hours from Friday night until Saturday evening. Plus I stayed out a wee bit late/early getting in at 5am and up again at 9am. So yeah, I own this and I'll more forward. But getting out was pretty awesome for a change. Today was another cold one, as runners and the rest of society in this part of the world know. The ice on my beard is an indication of the temps we're experiencing, and we in Indiana are getting off easy. Still fighting for whatever miles I can get in January, but know some months are just tough. But you get through it and focus on the next, which is what I'm doing now.
Without getting into the extreme details I will say that on this day in 2015 I tried to kill myself. After 4 years I'm finally learning to talk about this in a public way. This was discussed with my therapist in private of course, and my life view has completely changed since then. But back then I was just shattered. A lot of smaller incidences led up to me going that direction. The proverbial 'death by a thousand cuts'. And I'll also say that when a person is in the mindset they just want the hurt to stop. I can remember I wasn't thinking of anyone or anything, I just wanted to stop hurting. When you're in the depths of the brier patch all you can do is think of the peril surrounding you. The wounds you've suffered and the ones that seem to be waiting. Your judgement becomes clouded and you just want this to stop. As I look back all I can do is think of how grateful I am to be here. How much I love seeing friends and family, my cats, creating, enjoying music and live shows, meeting new people, and of course running. I can also look forward like never before, and running has been a huge part of that. Also it's important to add that this is too a daily struggle and some are sunny, some less so. That's life as they say, but the important thing is to find a way to manage the less than stellar days. To find a way to survive. And if you see or suspect someone of having a struggle and inching closer to a decision like that be sure to step in and just offer to talk. I've listed a resources link that also has a lot of great organizations to lend a hand, ear, or shoulder. Communication does wonders, it's how we open doors and solve problems. Just something therapy has taught me. I like a challenge as much as the next runner, but a break would be nice... but not expected. January has been a very tough month. I had the 2nd worst case of the flu I've ever had, followed by the death of my wonderful Grandmother, lots of coughing, and then the snow and ice. But it's times like these when maybe the powers that be are simply asking you 'How badly do you want this?"
The answer is still, as always, 'really really bad'. But we don't do this because it's easy, we do it because we want to find out just what we as individuals can achieve. And I know this too shall pass and the weather will eventually turn for the better for the better. Such is life. I'm grateful that I'm getting in some miles when I can, and that the sun is out and I'm alive. To have ice in your beard can be a thrilling experience. I had to do it, I had to treat myself. When your favorite band announces a NYE show in your favorite city one must go. To me it seemed like the perfect cap to an amazing year in my life. It was productive and positive on almost all fronts. I saw some great concerts, hiked canyons in the south west, sat front row to see Dita Von Teese, and of course I ran.
I'm thrilled to say I did 6 marathons on 2018, my overall mileage was shy of my goal, but the injuries were a bit long in the tooth. I ended 2017 with 1128 and wanted to do 1300 for this past year. I did conclude 2018 with 1141 miles. But oh Boston... I missed you so much. I missed the people, the sites and sounds, the running, and just the overall vibe of that city. I could go on and on, but I made a video to best sum it up. Sadly I've started 2019 with a serious case of the flu, but am on the mend. It's best to get it out of the way now since my next marathon is 4 months from today and I have a strict training schedule. I'm going to make this another great year. |
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